-- Purveyor of Imagination --

Decisions...

2012-01-19T22:03:00.002Z

I made one today.

This one may keep me awake for a while.

2011...

2012-01-05T09:12:00.001Z

...you will not be missed.

Flushed...

2011-11-25T09:46:00.003Z

Tomorrow, I'm playing in the Regional Redtooth Poker Finals at G Casino, for the top three players at every competing pub in the league. I won the league for Charlotte Bar and will be collecting my lovely glass trophy before the event in the afternoon.

There should be about 70 runners tomorrow, and the first three go ahead to the National Finals in March, down in Nottingham. And if you do really well in that game... it's off to Las Vegas!

Of course, one step at a time.

Life... Is Good...

2011-10-29T23:28:00.003Z

There is a review of last year's paperback anthology An Eclectic Slice of Life from Dark Prints Press over at Scaryminds, in which my two short pieces Wet Secrets and Disconnected make an appearance. There are no specific story breakdowns, but there's a very positive feel to the whole thing.

8 out of 10. I'm happy with that. Let's hope the vibes continue for the next anthology - The One That Got Away - in a few months...

Charity Starts Here...

2011-10-13T09:07:00.003Z

All right, it has been a (being blunt) shit year thus far, so I figured I would do something worthwhile to make me feel better.

Goin' pink, for some green!

Please give, if you can; and if you can't, good vibes are always handy.

Thanks.

Two Buck Question...

2011-10-04T11:40:00.000Z

Is letting someone die the same as killing them?

Laugh, Or You'll Cry...

2011-09-29T09:38:00.001Z

Today, this song raises a smile:

Loneliness is an empty glass.

Freefallin'...

2011-09-23T11:19:00.002Z

Nobody told me that when you hit rock bottom, there isn't actually a rock there to stop you.

Opposites Do Attract...

2011-09-22T09:09:00.002Z

If a breakdown is bad, a break up must be good.

Right?

Nervous, Emotional, or Otherwise...

2011-09-18T14:51:00.002Z

I'm a smart guy.

I think I'm having a breakdown.

It's good to see it coming though, eh?

Whodunit? Oh, I did...

2011-08-27T11:41:00.003Z

I usually don't talk on this blog about pending publications, but I'm very pleased with this one so I'm going to mention it now.

My crime story, A Rhyme For the Crime, has been accepted for the latest paperback anthology from Dark Prints Press, which is on course for a February 2012 publication date. Crime writing luminary Lawrence Block is a part of this too - a major coup for the collection. Of course, it would be nice to think he is sitting at home saying: "Oh my God, that Brian G. Ross guy is in this thing!" but I'd not stake money on that.

I can't throw enough positivity the way of Craig Bezant. His tireless efforts in helping to bring short fiction to the masses will certainly not be going unnoticed by those in the trade. It's a thankless job, but he is playing the long game, and he has started off impeccably.

At 4000 words, A Rhyme For the Crime is the longest story I have had published to date, so at this rate I should have the novel out there on the shelves by the time I start to collect my pension.

Pre-orders open next week, if you're interested. And I know you are...

Taking The Bitter...

2011-08-10T08:09:00.002Z

Sometimes life gives you lemons.

You can either make lemonade.

Or you can write a story.

Knowin' When To Fold 'Em...

2011-07-29T14:13:00.003Z

So, The Wife has been away all week, spending time in Aviemore with her family.

On Monday night I was bored and decided to go to the casino, where I entered a £20 buy-in poker tournament. I didn't really expect too much, but a few hours later I walked away with third place and £160...

...then on Tuesday, I entered a £30 buy-in tournament, and about seven hours later there were just two of us left. It was getting really late (or early, depending on which way you look at it) so we decided to split the pot. We both took home £590 for our efforts.

So, £700 profit for the two nights ain't too bad at all.

Now all I need to do, is convince The Wife that the £100 tournament on Sunday afternoon is a worthy exercise, and not actually costing me anything.

She's an accountant; she can see the logic there.

At the Movies...

2011-07-20T12:44:00.002Z

Let's do this one backwards:

Predators
This is what Hollywood calls a 'reboot' - not a remake or a sequel, but a reimagining of the franchise. I have other words for what this is, but none of them are particularly complimentary, so let's just move on...

Adrien Brody is not my idea of a leading man in an action movie. Granted, there is very little action on show here, but that is beside the point. He just doesn't look the part. Maybe that is my narrow-minded view, but he just didn't seem to have anything to offer.

That is to say nothing of the ropey special effects, the forgettable supporting players, or the postage stamp sized plot.

Paranormal Activity
It is easy to make the viewer feel uneasy with a handheld camera, lots of black and white footage, and the absence of sound, but somehow, for the most part, this fails to really be all that frightening.

It's a fairly straightforward idea, executed in a fairly straightforward manner. It is watchable enough, but it just lacks a little... oomph.

Sure, I watched it when the sun was out, ran up the stairs to bed that night, left all the lights on, and made sure my baseball bat was within easy reach, but that is just normal... right?

The Ring
I know, for a guy who writes horror, I certainly came to this one a little late, but try to keep in mind that The Wife won't watch anything more frightening than the Hallowe'en episode of Saved By the Bell, so I have to find time without her, in which to watch these dark gems.

As it turned out, I was quite impressed - especially with the build up during the first half, which was excellent. Sure, there was a slight degeneration into typical horror cliche territory towards the final act, but overall it was a good effort. It's always refreshing to watch a horror that does not rely on blood 'n' guts for shocks.

I should really check out the Japanese original now. Or perhaps I should have done that first...

Horrible Bosses
All right, first things first: it really is a terrible title. Sure, it is exactly what it says on the tin - it is a film about horrible bosses... but come on guys, put some more effort into it.

Anyway, it is a cracking comedy. Slightly mysogynistic, and a little racist, but nobody would ever claim this was a paragon of political correctness. It's another one of that sub-genre of off-the-wall buddy movies that has popped up in recent years, ala The Hangover, but with more originality and funnier set-pieces.

And if that doesn't do it for you, perhaps Jennifer Aniston bra-less and talking dirty will.

A Four-Fingered Fist of Reviews...

2011-07-13T12:36:00.004Z

Scaryminds is an Australian site, dedicated to reviewing all things horror, including a lot of Antipodean stuff currently out there.

I had a piece in each of the first four issues of Eclecticism, and Scaryminds have had positive words to say about each of them.

Issue One has my short horror story, Blind Man's Bluff.

My coming-of-age tale, Wet Secrets, makes an appearance in Issue Two.

Issue Three sees me in a decidedly more sombre mood with my flash piece, After the Flood.

And finally, my (probably only) foray into sci-fi flash, with Footprints in Issue Four.

As I have said before, I have a lot of time for Eclecticism editor, Craig Bezant. He has done a great job with this magazine from the start, and his publishing clout has now extended to Dark Prints Press as well.

And no, I'm not on commission.

Never Bet on an Inside Straight...

2011-07-10T10:02:00.004Z

It's been a while.

I wish I could say that it was because I've been busy, or my world has changed somewhat, but the truth of the matter is I haven't had all that much to say, and nothing has changed...

Well, not much.

I joined Redtooth Poker a few weeks ago, and now play in the league at a couple of my (not really) local pubs. I have been playing online for several years, and thought it was about time I turned my talents to a few live games, if only to save me from shouting abuse at a monitor.

It's a £5 buy-in each night, and the league runs for thirteen weeks, with each pub having their own leaderboard. After those thirteen weeks, the best few players from each location hit 'regionals' - which is kind of like Glee, but without the show-tunes.

Anyways, the second night I played, I won. £64. Not too bad for a few hours of cards. Maybe if this writing lark doesn't pan out, I'll try my hand in Vegas.

London, Baby...!

2011-05-13T19:42:00.003Z

I spent my birthday weekend - you can determine the number yourselves - in our capital. That's London, for those of you who either a) don't know which country I'm talking about, or b) are just really, really stupid.

It's odd: I have been all around the world, to many far-flung places, but never spent any real time in London - only an airport on the way to Somewhere Else. But one departure lounge is much like the next one, isn't it? Except Schipol in Amsterdam - that really is a great airport...

...But I digress.

The Wife and I did the usual touristy stuff - rode the Eye, marvelled at the somewhat anachronistic MadameTussauds, tubed it to Tower Bridge, heard Big Ben strike ten, shook our heads at the surreality of the zebra at Abbey Road, hoped to see (but didn't) old Lizzie at Buck House, tried to bypass the armed police and scale the fence on Downing Street, saw The Mousetrap and didn't figure out who did it (although The Wife will tell you she knew all along), chilled in the IceBar for forty minutes, paid handsomely for steak at a Gordon Ramsay eaterie, and stood in awe at the sheer majesty of Westminster Abbey.

And yeah, before I forget, it's a helluva dirty city. There is dust everywhere, and if you spend any more than two minutes there with your eyes open you will end up rubbing them. At the end of each day my fingernails thought they had been down a mine shaft.

And on the hour long flight there and back I managed to write a kiddie's story as well, so it's all good!

Thank Heavens...

2011-04-01T09:28:00.003Z

My short story, Saint Percival, grabbed second prize in the Spring 2011 CheerReader humour contest this week, which came as a pleasant surprise as it was a competition I had all but forgotten about. It is also the first time I have placed in any (worthy) writing contest, which does feel like a baby-step up for me.

...Maybe next time I can bag the win.

Double Trouble...

2011-03-23T21:46:00.002Z

A couple of my older two-hundred word flashes - After the Flood and Smoked - appear in the current issue of The Legendary. They're a little more thoughtful than the stuff I usually come up with, so check them out if you fancy a sixty-second read during an advert break.

Oh yeah, and they come with an author photo too - still something I am a little unnerved by.

Enjoy.

Ten Thousand Spoons...

2011-03-01T17:06:00.001Z

A lot has happened in my little world the last few months, but still…

I had this story idea which I thought would be better served if I did some De Niro style research beforehand, so – like the character – I posted my suicide note, on my profile page of a… rather well known social networking site.

And I waited for my friends to respond.

Except they didn’t.

It would appear nobody took it seriously at all, which is both unfortunate and somewhat disturbing.

Suffice to say, this sent me spiralling down into the kind of funk I had envisioned had taken my character to that dark cave that led him to write the damn note in the first place…

Life is full of little ironies, eh?

On a Sesame Seed Bun...

2011-02-01T21:02:00.002Z

My flash piece, Reflections of, makes an appearance over at McStorytellers, an outlet for 'writers with Scottish connections'. It is a relatively new site, but one that has a fresh and clean look to it.

There are no Happy Meals there, but a few pretty decent stories.

Confused Catholic...

2010-12-19T13:04:00.003Z

I had a bipolar Saturday.

I went to the annual pantomime in the afternoon, which this year was Sleeping Beauty. Very good as usual - a sprinkling of "he's behind you", and a smattering of "oh no you won't", throughout. Good, old-fashioned kid-friendly fun... which was followed by a Christmas themed fancy dress party at night, where I turned up as Drag Jesus - a personal creation that was met with equal amounts of derision and cries of blasphemy from an otherwise non-Christian cross-section of my friends.

Santa - of course - was there, along with a reindeer, an angel, a cheeky elf, my pregnant mother, and Mrs. Claus (every party should have one, right guys?), among others, and it was a great night of drinks, dancing, and dodgy photos.

Walking home alone at four in the morning with full make-up on was unusually liberating. It was very peaceful. No cars. No pedestrians. Nothing.

Just me, the snow, and my mascara.

A Couple of Slices...

2010-12-02T07:53:00.002Z

I have two short stories - Wet Secrets and Disconnected - in the newly released paperback, An Eclectic Slice of Life, and it truly is an eclectic collection.

I received my copy of the anthology yesterday and it is evident that editor Craig Bezant has poured a lot of love into its production. He has done a fantastic job of putting the whole thing together, and I know that there will be many more great things to come from Craig and Dark Prints Press in the future.

It also arrived with a disc containing the first fourteen editions of Craig's original baby, the ezine Eclecticism, which is extra special to me because I had one piece - including Wet Secrets - in each of the first four iterations. That publication is still going strong after three years, and long may it continue.

Anyway, if I have teased you enough to take a look, head on over here and check it out.

Can You Hear It...?

2010-10-22T10:49:00.003Z

You can now listen to my short horror story, Blind Man's Bluff, over at Cast Macabre, brought to life by Rish Outfield and Bigg Anklevich.

There is something quite heartening about hearing your words read back to you, and in a way, you come at it from a different angle. I haven't read that story for years either - I had forgotten how much I liked it - so that probably helped as well.

Although this is the first time one of my pieces has gone audio, it is a medium that is becoming quite popular these days, and - based on the fifteen minute recording here - one I will be trying to get involved with more often.

If you have the quarter hour to spare, I'd appreciate the feedback.

Wagons Have Rolled...

2010-08-20T11:44:00.002Z

Moved home yesterday...

...and if I never see another cardboard box again, it will be far too soon.

Open For Business...

2010-06-29T17:40:00.002Z

Check out new Australian small press, Dark Prints Press, for some early information on a new anthology called An Eclectic Slice of Life. It is being put together by Craig Bezant, who does a cracking job of putting together Eclecticism every quarter - an ezine I bagged a spot in, in the first four issues.

The collection contains two of my short stories - one new, one hand-picked by the editor - and about two hundred and seventy pages more of, well, eclecticism.

There's a YouTube promo there (a first for me) if that's your kind of thing, and a run down of the author list as well, including some fine up-and-comers.

It's not out until just this side of Christmas, so get the pre-orders in now to make sure you get a copy.

Shining Like a Beacon...

2010-06-04T07:15:00.003Z

My mystery noir flash tale, My Wife Glows in the Dark, continues to do the rounds. This time it is up at the relatively new Short-Story.Me.

The ezine has become quite popular lately and there is a lot of good stuff in its virtual pages. It's well organised - either by genre or author - and you can even link the stories you like to your friends...

...which, of course, you will be doing. Yes?

I'll Have What She's Having...

2010-05-23T20:38:00.003Z

I saw the theatrical version of When Harry Met Sally... last week, and the relatively small cast of six did a fantastic job of putting one of my favourite romantic comedies on the stage.

Rupert Hill carried off the role of Harry, made famous by Billy Crystal in the film with relative ease for the most part, despite losing his New York accent occasionally; and Sarah Jayne Dunn made Sally believable, including the much anticipated 'orgasm scene'. Meg Ryan would've been proud... although it should be said, I could still tell she was faking it.

The dialogue stuck very closely to that of the film, and a fair chunk of it was lifted right from the script, which is no bad thing as that is some damn fine writing anyway. A few of the sets and locations were altered for the purposes of presentation, but nothing that lessened the story in any way.

The only down side to it was the fact that they were playing to a house that was barely fifty percent full, and I'm not really sure why. It was a Thursday evening, so maybe everyone else was out late-night shopping, I don't know, but I did feel a little sorry for them up there.

The lack of bodies - while it made no difference to what was happening on stage - did mean a slight lack of atmosphere and ambience in the aisles, and that is a shame: it deserves to be seen by more people.

So, go out and find where it's playing near you.

All right, fine... I'll do the grunt work. Click this:

The sex part always gets in the way

Technicolour Rainbow...

2010-04-30T17:12:00.002Z

I have never had food poisoning before, but partaking of food a couple of days past its use by date was always going to catch up with me sooner or later I guess.

I will spare you the gory details... but suffice to say I was on my knees more often than a cheap hooker in a room full of dwarves.

It was horrible: I have never seen my bathroom floor so up close and personal before, and I have no desire to do so again any time soon. I had my head in the bowl so many times, I was bringing up food I had eaten last year.

I'll tell you what - I could never be bulimic; it just seems too much like hard work.

Only Without The Pedal, Pedal Bit...

2010-03-27T20:38:00.003Z

This week I went to see the thinking man's comedian, Dave Gorman, who provided an evening of entertainment in his very assured, conversational way with his Sit Down, Pedal, Pedal, Stop And Stand Up Tour. It's a bit of a mouthful, but then again, so is he.

At times he barely stops for breath as he waxes on about his time at university, sociable numbers and friendly numbers, but it never feels like a math lesson because everything is imbued with a sense of fun, and - minor diversions aside - his anecdotes never lose their direction.

He is a storyteller, rather than a joke-smith, and although only a handful of his laughs come from a classic punchline - or indeed, through the use of expletives (although there are certainly a few of those) - he is very funny nonetheless. He just stands there and tells you about Sugar Puffs, or his drunken trip to Vegas, or his thoughts on Ringo Starr, or indeed the time he 'lost' his keys in a post box... and for two hours and twenty minutes, he pulls you right along with him.

Great value. But if you do go to see him, just remember to switch your mobile phone off...

I Want To Complain...

2010-03-06T12:16:00.003Z

So, my tongue in cheek complaint... about them guys in the toilets... took first prize, much to my surprise. £30 - not bad for about ninety minutes work, in between calls from aangry customers.

Thanks if you voted for me, and thanks a lot if you didn't!

Three Wheels Good...

2010-02-28T21:42:00.005Z

My darkly comic flash, Tricycle, makes (appropriately) its third online appearance, this time over at Abandoned Towers. You will find me under the Fiction section. They publish all kinds of stuff at the Towers - from westerns to romance and all the good stuff in between. So whatever your fancy, you're sure to find something there to interest you.

I'm not sure what I was smoking when I wrote this; I only know it's out of my system now... so, if you ain't done so already, enjoy the surreality. And remember - no matter how bad things get, there's always someone worse off than you.

Is It A Bird...?

2010-02-13T11:08:00.002Z

My 1200 word child friendly tale, Superhero 101 makes it's debut in the January issue of PDF and print magazine Bards & Sages Quarterly.

I seem to get a fair bit of mileage out of my stories aimed at the younger, more innocent end of the spectrum. It is certainly a world away from some of the more adult-oriented stuff I do come up with. It's nice to know I can do that, and then immediately go back to writing something suitable for all ages, just like this one, about two boys playing in their front garden. No blood, no guts. No swearing.

But they're only ten. Time for all that later.

If You Like Pina Colada...

2010-02-03T12:08:00.003Z

The Wife and I recently returned from a Caribbean cruise, courtesy of Royal Caribbean and The Freedom of the Seas. And you know what? What an amazing experience it was.

Best. Holiday. Ever. The Wife will tell you it was our Hawaiian honeymoon, but whatever...

Yes, like a lot of you guys, I figured the smell of rubbing alcohol would choke me, and that I would have nightmares about a tribe of renegade false teeth chasing me along the poop deck. Trust me, I made my fair share of jokes about it too, but the truth is, it wasn't like that at all. Cruises have come a long way since the blue-rinse brigade set up camp onboard: now, it's becoming more and more of a family thing. Sure, there were old people there, but there were four thousand guests riding the high seas with us as well.

The shows each night in the theatre rivalled anything I have seen on dry land, and the evening parades matched the best of Disney. There was an interior Promenade filled with shops, restaurants, and bars, an ice rink (complete with show), a fully loaded casino (where I won a poker qualifier, but fell at the final table), and a full-size basketball court (where I competed in a 'crew versus guests' dodgeball tournament), as well as a climbing wall, a boxing ring, a gym, a nightclub, karaoke booths...

...well, just check it out online and you'll see for yourself.

Suffice to say - fantastic.

To Whom it May Concern...

2010-01-06T12:48:00.004Z

I was trawling the internet for writing contests a couple of days ago and happened across Complaint Letter.

They take all kinds of stuff - from serious to tongue-in-cheek - and then, based on feedback and marks out of ten, they slap £30 to the best one at the end of every month. Well, I tried serious, but it didn't come out right, so in the end I had to settle for mildly amusing instead. It's titled, I'm Burstin'...

That being said, I really do hate those guys in the toilets...

Happy New Year!

Gobble, Gobble...

2009-12-28T08:51:00.003Z

I hope all you Christians out there had a good Christmas. I did. I got the usual selection of pants, socks, and deodorants... and I also ate more turkey than any guy should ever try to squeeze into their 2500 daily calorie limit.

But it's back to work now. Sigh.

Roll on 2010.

The Changing Face Of...

2009-12-12T09:24:00.003Z

Due to a recent straw poll of a somewhat dubious circle of acquaintances who had had too many drinks for the shining light of common sense to illuminate, I have decided - against my better judgement - to change my profile picture on this here blog.

However, unlike many people I know, I do not keep an endless supply of pictures of my own face near to hand, so until I come up with something better, you can make do with this one, circa late 2003.

God I was thin then.

Jacko Lives...

2009-12-07T07:51:00.003Z

The Wife and I went to see Thriller Live last night, and what a great showcase of Michael Jackson's music it was. It didn't have a story ala We Will Rock You (which incidentally, we saw a few weeks ago and it was also fantastic). It was just purely about the songs, the dancing, and the entertainment, and was probably all the better for it.

There were fedoras and sequined jackets and jewel-encrusted white gloves everywhere you looked. It was great to see the audience really getting into the show as well, including a kid of no more than ten who couldn't stop his feet from moving. Don't worry Michael, it seems that a new generation of fans won't be too hard to find.

It just shows you what a great depth of talent there is in this country, just out of frame, as it were: guys and girls that don't really get the kudos they deserve. Most of the songs were right on the money, and in particular, the solo performance of She's Out of My Life was certainly a step up from that given by what's-his-face on The X-Factor a couple of days ago...

And the Thriller sequence - complete with red leather jacket and a zombie dance troupe - as part of the finale, was right off the top shelf.

She Isn't, Honest...

2009-11-12T20:53:00.003Z

The zombie sub-genre has certainly seen a resurgence in the last few years, so much so that I wanted to give it a whirl as well, as long as I made sure I approached it from a different angle.

Yeah, pretty sure I did that.

And thus was born, my deliciously black flash piece, My Wife is a Menstrual Zombie, which appears in Issue Seven of UK based print magazine, Ballista.

Unfortunately, the market has chewed up and spit out yet another small press magazine, and Ballista is saying goodbye after this final spin. It's a shame, because it is/was a well put together magazine with some cracking stories between its covers.

Pick it up now if you can spare the four pounds - give Ballista the send off it deserves.

They're Everywhere...!

2009-10-28T14:54:00.003Z

The Wife and I recently went on a brief three-day tour of Scotland and, as part of that little excursion, we went for a cruise of Loch Ness. Oddly (or perhaps not), apart from the guy talking about the monster beneath the surface, and the guy steering the boat, the other fifty people on board were Japanese.

I've never felt as far from home as I did right then, and listening to one of the Japanese guys translate the thick Scottish accent of our tour guide is certainly up there with the most surreal experiences of my life.

And all this just outside my back door.

I have been to the Arabian Desert, the bustle of Paris, the noise of New York, the tourist-friendly trap of Orlando, stood in a cell on Alcatraz, and been to the top of the Sydney Harbour Bridge; and they're always there right next to me. Of course, I saw a few wandering the streets of Tokyo as well, but that's just silly.

I reckon, when someone finally gets a rocket to the surface of Mars we may just find the Japanese tourists have already been there. Camera in hand. Smiles.

And maybe a McDonald's or two.

Oldie But Goodie...

2009-10-03T09:36:00.003Z

My Wife Glows in the Dark. Well she doesn't really, but my flash of that name has got a fifth go-round at A Twist of Noir. Dark, with a black and white flavour, this piece is one of my personal favourites, and is written in a style I'd like to try a little more.

If you're in the mood for a noir-ish flash, give this one a whirl. For those that way inclined, you can leave a comment as well.

A Flesh Flash...

2009-09-18T19:35:00.003Z

My erotica flash piece, Behind Closed Doors, has been selected for this week's Friction Friday entry at the strictly adults-only ezine, Black Heart.

I had another piece published by them about four years ago, back when they were a paper 'zine, but in all honesty, the electronic makeover is a lot better and looks very professional. It even comes with a nifty picture of the author... just in case anyone was wondering who the dirty boy who wrote it is.

But as long as my grandma doesn't stumble across it, it's all good.

The Long And Winding Road...

2009-08-25T09:20:00.003Z

A long time ago I wrote a novel - my first, my only. Slipwater. 81,000 words. A police thriller with a little bit of sci-fi thrown in just to make things more difficult for me. That was about twelve years ago. Since then, over the years, there have been a couple of attempts - one serious - to redraft it. As a result I have about 45,000 words of better stuff.

I've trawled through the loft and been looking it over the last couple of days and decided that now is the time to go back to it. To be honest, there was never a right time to leave it. I just got sidetracked by other projects... for about a decade.

I'm still going to pursue short stories, but my off-the-top-of-my-head goal is to have this second draft of the novel down (and I know the 45,000 words I've got will have to be tooth-combed again) by my birthday.

That's early May for you folks who don't send me cards.

Check It Out...

2009-08-01T19:16:00.004Z

At 2800 words, Check-Out is my longest published story for some time.

Nossa Morte is a clean-looking, easy-to-navigate, dark fiction ezine that has been going for a number of issues now (usually a good sign), and one that has rejected me a couple of times (always a good sign, I think). Just click and go. They threw a few bucks my way as well, which is never a bad thing.

My tale in this issue's virtual pages is what I would call 'urban horror', and one that I recently snipped 1500 words of waffle from, after the first draft way back in 2002. It is based (ever so loosely) on my own experience...

...but try not to read too much into that.

Words...

2009-07-11T11:35:00.002Z

I'm not reading as much as I used to and, to that end, I ain't writing as much either. Hopefully I am both reading and writing better stuff, but who can tell?

When I was in my teens and early twenties I got through a lot of books. Granted, these days a book is still never more than a few feet away from me - and I can still be seen walking and reading a paperback at the same time; crossing busy streets, accidents be damned - but life kinda sucks your free time away, especially when you find yourself in your thirties having to juggle a Wife, a job, and lots of other things that you didn't really think about back in the darkened days of your youth.

I sometimes look at the pages I wrote then as well, and I laugh. But it isn't comedy. Was I really that naive? When I was young I obviously thought big words were good words as my prose was peppered with them, but invariably they are just pretentious alternatives. Nothing that a nice four-letter word couldn't handle.

Quality over quantity. That's what I'm hoping for anyway.

Dad, Grandad, and Me...

2009-06-22T06:23:00.003Z

It was Father's Day yesterday. To be honest, I had forgotten about it because my father died five years ago. A few days before that it was my grandad's birthday. He would have been eighty, but unfortunately he didn't live to see it. He passed away in December and, as with my father, it too had been sudden. My other grandad (on my mother's side) died when I was just a few months old, and as such I didn't get a chance to know him at all.

So at thirty-three, I'm the elder statesman of my family, and without any children (as of yet), the last stop on the line. It's a sobering thought, and one that I have spent a lot of time with these last few days.

To the fathers: wherever they may be.

Onwards...

3 Contests, 4 Stories, 33 Pounds...

2009-05-29T08:48:00.002Z

...and nothing.

The shortlists were announced earlier this month and I am nowhere to be seen. This is not entirely surprising as I have never done much in writing contests before - a long-list here, an honourable mention there - but it is a little disconcerting.

Perhaps I am simply entering the wrong competitions. Perhaps the pieces I am submitting are just not what they are looking for.

Or maybe I'm wrong and I'm just not good enough.

Nah. Can't be that.

Momentary crisis averted. Onwards...

Takin' It Easy...

2009-05-05T08:03:00.003Z

I went to see the Illegal Eagles recently at the Edinburgh Playhouse. Front row. I've seen them five or six times now, and through various line-up changes over the years, they never fail to impress and always give a standout performance.

I know tribute bands often get the cold shoulder from a lot of fans, but having seen Don, Glenn, Joe, and Timothy, in Glasgow a few years back, I can honestly say these guys are no second-rate, wannabe rock stars. They really rise above the unfortunate 'tribute' tag, so much so that you will forget that's what they are and just enjoy the music. And after all, that's really what it's all about, isn't it?

If you have yet to catch them, and they're playing in a town near you, go and check them out. Good musicianship, great vocals, and a team spirit that exudes from the stage. What else could you ask for?

Middle-Eastern Adventures...

2009-04-14T10:03:00.003Z

I recently returned from a week in Dubai - I was visiting friends - and what a very superficial place it is: full of falsity and fakery. Everything is tailored towards being the biggest, the best, and the brightest. While there's nothing wrong with that, after a while it became more about the grandeur than anything else.

It is certainly a playground for the wealthy (in one bar a regular drink cost me £14!), and the opulence is there if you can afford it, but it's also a very fragmented city, with cranes and construction sites all over the place. It is literally impossible to look out anywhere over the city (when the morning dust isn't in the air, that is), without seeing at least half a dozen of the mechanical beasts towering over the skyline.

Don't read me wrong: I really enjoyed it. We had dinner at The Atlantis; played at Wild Wadi Waterpark; went dune-bashing in the Arabian Desert; rode a camel; had a Bedouin meal; threw snowballs at the largest indoor ski-park in the world; turned down criminally expensive drinks at the Burj Al Arab; and spent a day on an open-topped bus touring the city.

For a one-time-only deal, I would definitely recommended it, but don't be surprised if you have no money left when you get home.

That Many Folk Can't Be Wrong...

2009-03-31T22:36:00.002Z

My comic flash piece, Carpet Burned, makes an appearance at the rather nifty, Notes From the Underground - a free newsletter distributed on and around the London Underground, and also stocked at many bookstores throughout the land. They boast a circulation of 75,000, which is nothing to be sniffed at, and certainly a hell of a lot more than anything I can lay a previous claim to.

Give it a whirl and let me know what you think.

Red Letter Day...

2009-03-22T20:45:00.003Z

My flash piece, The Letter, is now up at Big Pulp, after being accepted for publication over a year ago. A few bucks for a few hundred words. It's a tale that has the potential to be the start of something longer, but I don't know. I kinda like it the way it is. Give it a read if you have the time.

Those Were The Days...

2009-03-11T21:54:00.006Z

Back in the mid-80s, my dad – like any movie buff worth his salt – had two video recorders. We would hire them, record them, then watch them until the tapes themselves became worn out and you got that annoying magnetic line at the top of the picture that would gradually pull everyone’s head off to the side.

Ok, it was on the wrong side of right, but I was a kid. I just thought it was cool to be able to watch my favourite movies whenever I wanted.

Back to the Future, Gremlins, Ghostbusters, The Goonies, Wargames, and many more: movies I have seen so often, they became a fundamental part of my childhood. Seeing them always reminds me of those 195 minute video tapes that lined our living room walls - when running times were based on a counter specific to your machine, and then written on a sticky white label on the front so you'd know where the second movie started.

Of course, if you bought a new video recorder you were in trouble.

Memories indeed...

Drought...

2009-03-01T12:52:00.002Z

It's been a dark and dusty couple of months.

January and February have bitten it, and I still don't have any acceptances for 2009. Truth be told, I didn't have many submissions pending towards the end of last year, so over the last few weeks I have done something about that.

I have tried to be a little more selective as well with where I send stories. I won't feel any genuine progression if I just continue to flog - no offence - the same old markets, so I've upped the ante.

I'm sitting on about fifty submissions at the moments, and now that I have jinxed myself by blogging... probably fifty rejections.

I couldn't keep my mouth closed, eh?

Does Your Mother Know...?

2009-02-18T10:15:00.003Z

I was doing the GoogleTwist, searching for a few possible markets for my stuff, when I came across this:

"...I like the provocative descriptions of teasing, tempting and touching, but several stories have strange unsexy punchlines, like a twelve year old boy accidentally jerking off to a photo of his mom in a porno magazine..."

Yeah, that one was me. It's an excerpt from a Broken Pencil review a while back of Canadian-printed, Black Heart Magazine (Issue 3). I had a flash in there called The Vagina Catalogue, but don't feel the need to scope it out... I've just spoiled the ending for you.

PS -- the GoogleTwist is not a real manoeuvre.

Mixed Bag o' Reviews...

2009-02-07T22:22:00.004Z

A few reviews for Issue 6 of Murky Depths have rolled in, and my contribution, Between Hanson & Hendrix.

At SF Crowsnest, Gareth D. Jones calls my piece, "...an odd little story..."; this one at SFRevu has reviewer Sam Tomaino saying, "...a nicely done little story and my favorite of the issue."; and this pretty comprehensive review by Michele Lee for The Fix says, "...the plot is obvious, but the writing is solid..."

Good or bad, we like 'em all!

Time Machine...

2009-01-29T19:36:00.003Z

I decided, in my infinite wisdom, that I was going to spend the first three months of 2009 writing nothing new. I was going to simply revise some of my older pieces that have been sitting gathering virtual dust on my hard drive. And to be fair, apart from a very brief flash piece, I have so far succeeded.

The only problem is the bunch of stories I provisionally chose to revise, and more precisely, the one I have got myself tangled up with now.

I wrote it in 1997, and at the time I thought it was pretty damn good. Now, it's little more than all right. The point at its heart is a good one, but it's very hard for me to jump back into a mindset I had at twenty-one, and I'm beginning to wonder if going back so far and trying to redraft what is effectively someone else's story, was a good plan at all.

I'm another writer these days - hopefully a much better one - and I approach subjects, plots, and ideas differently.

I'll see it through, because I'm stubborn that way, but I wonder if there are some stories that will never shine, no matter how much polish you apply.

When I Grow Up...

2009-01-18T22:52:00.003Z

Don't judge me, but I went to see the Pussycat Dolls this evening with The Wife.

There I was, singing along to I Don't Need A Man with about three thousand females, most of whom are in agreement - we hear you Nicole, we do not need a man...

...It's never felt more wrong to be a guy.

Bring On 2009...

2008-12-31T17:22:00.002Z

I hope you all had a great Christmas, and I look forward to blogging after the bells toll tonight...

A Little Eastern Style...

2008-12-18T20:24:00.003Z

I have never been a big fan of poetry, and when someone starts talking about haiku, it's true, my eyes do begin to glaze over, but (for some reason I now don't recall) I wrote a tanka a few months ago called nelle ombre, and I now find it in the November print edition of Scifaikuest.

I know, the website itself isn't any great shakes, but I'm fairly impressed with the production of the magazine itself - a clean, glossy colour cover; perfect bound - and it's something different to add to my publication CV.

I may never write another tanka, so go on, get it while it's hot.

Where I Was At...

2008-12-11T10:19:00.003Z

My wife turned (she won't thank me for saying) thirty-four on the weekend, so I took her to the Pool House Hotel for a couple of nights. To relax. To unwind. To get-away-from-it-all.

It's 180 miles west and quite a long drive - especially if you use Google Map, which I believe with absolute certainty, is determined to mess with me - but the great views along the way make it worhwhile.

As it turned out, we were the only guests in the seven-room hotel, so we had personal service throughout. The seven course meal each evening was perhaps a little rich for my blood - and I don't think The Wife appreciated the buckshot in her wood pigeon - but it made a welcome change from pizza and garlic bread.

I would definitely recommended it if you are ever looking for a romantic getaway this far north. Very peaceful: very quiet.

Of course, my wallet is a little lighter, but...

Honourable Mention...

2008-11-26T20:22:00.002Z

I have only entered a few contests in my writing career and never done particularly well in them, so I was happy when Short Story Radio sent me an e-mail a couple of days ago to let me know that my short story, Contractions & Reactions had been given an Honourable Mention in their latest competition.

The two winners will have their pieces 'performed', along with a website worth £250 (whatever that means), while the three also-rans have their stories posted on the website.

I don't know how many entries there were, so I don't know how impressive the mention is... but if I say thousands, then we find out otherwise, that will be our little secret, ok?

Something Murky This Way Comes...

2008-11-14T20:04:00.004Z

My speculative short story, Between Hanson & Hendrix, has found its debut publication in the sixth issue of quarterly UK magazine, Murky Depths. It is complimented by an original piece of dark art by the talented Candra Hope, and I couldn't be happier with it. It's great to see someone else's interpretation of your work sitting nicely with your own.

Nestled within the eighty-plus pages you will find an interview with the cover artist, and some high-quality graphic stories along with a great selection of rather special ones done the old fashioned way!

Editor-in-Chief, Terry Martin, has done a fantastic job putting out this glossy periodical - the production values of which are of such a high standard, it puts many magazines with a lot more behind them to shame. Everyone involved obviously has a lot of love for their printed baby, and I for one wish them all the very best of luck for its continued success.

So go and grab yourself a copy now, and support the craft. You won't be disappointed.

Holiday Hit...

2008-11-09T21:54:00.004Z

I returned from the far east to discover that my 300 word flash piece, The Birth of the Animal - one of my personal favourites - had been accepted by Horror Garage, and if you care to follow the link, you will see it is now live.

Horror Garage used to be a print magazine but recently shelved the hard copies, and its output is now strictly electronic. It's a magazine I have long looked to get into as beneath its gaudy, in-your-face, outer shell, are some pretty dark tales.

It's quite a disturbing little number, but don't blame me. I hear voices.

Phew...

2008-11-04T21:55:00.002Z

After three weeks away, taking in the sights of Tokyo, Hong Kong, and the east coast of Australia, I have returned to temperatures where short sleeves and shades just don't cut it.

Four hundred and seven photos.
Four hours and forty-seven minutes of video.
Thirty-seven hours on a plane.
Six hotel rooms.
Four rollercoasters.
One massive lamington cake.

Yeah, I really should get out more.

Turning Japanese I Really Think So...

2008-10-10T20:55:00.003Z

Soon, I will be on Tokyo time...

I'll probably be the tallest person there, but at least the wife won't lose me.

Ghostwriter...

2008-10-02T15:55:00.002Z

I don't know when I learned what a haiku was, but when a work colleague asked me to write a volcano themed one for her nine year old daughter, all I could do was shake my head in disbelief. Nine year olds are being taught about haikus?

Anyway, after I reattached myself to the situation I jotted one down for her, not that I condone doing someone else's homework, but I don't mind kicking in a little Japanese poetry. It's seventeen syllables. Where's the harm? Apparently she had to interpret 'her' words in front of the rest of the class as well, which would have been good to see...

...Of course, the fact that her teacher didn't doubt she had written it in the first place means that, as far as the art of the haiku goes, I am obviously still very young indeed.

Better stick to the longer stuff.

Poignant, Even Now...

2008-09-29T07:03:00.003Z

Seven years later and 9/11 is still fresh in the minds of many people, even for those of us who were nowhere near New York when it happened and had no connection with the city whatsoever. Like me.

With that in mind, my flash piece One September Morning makes an appearance in this quarter's issue of BURST - an online literary journal which exists especially for bite-sized chunks of prose.

As ever, any feedback is appreciated.

Back Slapping...

2008-09-22T20:20:00.004Z

Sometimes people surprise you and leave you (almost) speechless.

I had a lot of friends as a teenager. We all did. One of them is/was this guy. It was a long time ago, and a long way away, and I didn't even know him that well, but when you're fourteen friendships can blossom in a heartbeat, can't they?

Now, you may think I'm writing this post because you have went to the link in the last paragraph and seen that he wrote one about me first, and now I feel a little embarrassed, and you're entitled to think that. But that's between me and these four walls.

Like myself, he's a creative soul, but his passion is music. He's a drummer with a four-piece rock band called Stover, based on the east coast of Australia, and if your wallet is a little loose you can buy their CD there as well. I did. You won't be disappointed, unless you only like chamber music or some such, in which case, maybe best not fork out the dollars...

In fact, just buy it anyway. It's only a few bucks. What the hell else are you going to do with the money? Buy a couple of pints? Rent a dvd? Call a chat line for one minute? Come on! One minute. That's not even long enough to...

...well...

Just do as I say, okay?

Then come back here and tell me what you think, or better still, go here, and tell the guy himself.

Going Home...

2008-09-20T18:19:00.003Z

Next month the wife and I are taking a trip to Australia. I'm calling it my pilgrimage. She's never been Down Under and I was born and part-raised there. There will be a family reunion of sorts, and no doubt hundreds of photos, hours of video footage, and a load of memories for us upon our return as well.

The last time I made my bed in Australia I was fifteen and it was 1991. For whatever reasons I have not been 'home' since. I'm a man now, and I was a kid then. I don't really have too much in common anymore with the boy I used to be, but I miss him all the same. Especially the big hair - I really dug that look!

Sometimes I wonder what kind of man he would have grown into under that sunny Sydney sky, had life taken him on another journey. I'm not talking about regret, or 'gee-I-wish-my-life-had-turned-out-differently': I'm talking about Gwyneth Paltrow in Sliding Doors. Boom! First time around I went left, but you know what? This time I'm going right.

...I'd probably still be writing though.

Do I wish I had taken the road less travelled? No, I do not.

Have my childhood memories been air-brushed by the passage of time? Maybe, but I don't really think that matters.

Will I have a quiet moment of reflection when I'm there, while I remember the Antipodean teenager I used to be?

Yeah. Probably.

A Flurry Of Reviews...

2008-09-04T15:05:00.003Z

The first couple of reviews for the Black Box E-Anthology have been posted. One is at Good Reads, and the second is at HorrorScope, and both places give the project a thumbs up, which is nice to see for such an original project.

Hot on its heels are the first few online reviews of Read By Dawn 3 - one at Highlander's Books, another at Write Words, and a third at BookGeeks. All positive, and hopefully more to come in the coming weeks.

And if you're feeling a little retro, there's also quite a good review not long posted on Monster Librarian of Read By Dawn 2.

Who's Michael Phelps?

2008-08-25T14:20:00.002Z

So, you watch the Olympics? Me too, but often between my fingers, cringing.

Team GB brought home nineteen gold medals, but I bet you knew that already, didn't you?

I will sit and watch any sport - all right, maybe not yngling, but all the others - but sometimes the presenters and commentators really try my patience with their partisan attitudes. Several times I've actually had to switch over to another channel because I was in danger of needing my sick bucket.

I appreciate and understand that they are showing their support for the Great British nation, but do they have to flaunt their obvious bias to me every lap/length/serve/point/punch/etc?

I am a fan of sport, not the country the individual or team is representing. Sure, I'm an Australian and if I don't have a particular interest in the outcome I'll more often than not support the Aussie, but I don't let it interfere with my enjoyment of the whole event, and I don't let it affect my opinion of the other participants either.

It's over now for another four years. Beijing put on a great show.

God help me in 2012 when the world's greatest sportsmen descend upon London to show off their stuff.

Our impartial media will be a hundred times worse.

Open The Box...

2008-08-14T19:43:00.005Z

Finally, after several months of waiting, Black Box has finally been released, and therein its virtual pages you will find my tale, Tinker Tailor, F.B.I.

It's a double disc set: the first disc filled with very brief tales - in full colour PDF form - that will (hopefully) satiate your morbid curiosities, beefed up with aural spot-effects and dark art to further enhance the mood; and a second disc filled with music to compliment the occasion.

It's certainly a multimedia package worth getting your teeth into if you're looking for something a little disturbing to keep you warm over the next few nights.

Check it out, if you dare...

Still Glowing Strong...

2008-08-01T07:57:00.002Z

My short suspense piece, My Wife Glows in the Dark, sees the light of day once again, this time in snazzy flash-dedicated ezine DiddleDog. If you have yet to check it out it would warm my heart if you did so now.

It's one of my personal favourites, and at only 800 words, even if you think it's terrible, it won't last too long.

Three Times The Charm...

2008-07-18T09:14:00.003Z

My horror flash She takes up two pages in Read By Dawn Volume 3, the latest in the anthology series from Bloody Books. It's available now from Amazon as well as other online booksellers, and can also be found in high street stores. Check out your local Waterstones, and if it ain't on the shelves, ask the assistant why the hell not.

Small And Scottish...

2008-07-07T13:01:00.002Z

My brief domestic flash, Relections Of, makes its debut in the latest issue of small press print journal, Read This Magazine. They sent me a couple of copies for my efforts too, which is always nice.

If you're in or around Edinburgh, check out the list of stockists online (but put your shades on first) and get your hands on a copy. Failing that, fire them an email. I'm sure they will be glad to oblige.

Support the trade, folks.

I'm In The Library...

2008-07-04T13:01:00.001Z

Well, not quite.

My flash-in-the-pan piece, My Husband's Last Supper is now on board at The Horror Library. It is a different approach to publications than I am used to, but I believe the resulting stories are all the better for it.

If you do have a spare few minutes, check it out, but not while you're eating...

BJ On A Saturday Night...

2008-06-23T08:04:00.003Z

It's been a long time coming because I have wanted to see them for years, so I went to see the mighty Bon Jovi on the weekend at Hampden Stadium. They came on just before 8.30pm and didn't disappear until a few minutes shy of 11pm. In today's money, that's pretty good value for a concert... even if it was cold and raining.

They started with Status Quo's Rockin' All Over The World, which was unexpected but got the crowd going nonetheless. Hit after hit followed, but as expected it was a rousing rendition of Livin' On A Prayer towards the end of the night that was the inevitable highlight, although I was also impressed with the ten minute epic Dry County, one of my favourites from the Keep The Faith album.

JBJ was in great voice throughout... and according to the wife, there wasn't too much wrong with his body either. It was just as well I grabbed her hand at the end of the night or she would have waded through the 40,000 people to find the backstage area.

Another One Gone...

2008-06-13T15:50:00.003Z

It's a sad day.

In the last couple of years I have had two stories published in the small press magazine Outercast. It was a very nice A5 sized affair. The editor, Dennis Rodie, did all the legwork from Sweden, and made a point of accepting work from as many parts of the world as he could. Unfortunately, after seven issues, the magazine is no more.

I don't know the ins and outs of why, but it is the latest in a long, long line of small press outlets now sadly departed. I'm sure another couple will spring up to replace it - they always do - but this was certainly one of the better offerings.

At least we will always have the stories. They never die.

Call Me Mr. Big...

2008-06-02T07:53:00.003Z

My feminine side was again brought to the fore over the weekend when I took in a showing of what is - and I don't say this lightly - perhaps the biggest chick flick of this generation: Sex & The City. I have been a fan of the show since it started and no, I am not homosexual, just a fan of good writing, clever dialogue... and Manolo Blahniks.

I was one of only 9 guys in amongst about 400 women, which would generally be considered a good thing... but I'm married now so most of the fun was sucked right out of that little peach. There was a cocktail reception before the movie: I have never seen anything quite like it.

Guys, forget going out to a nightclub. If you're looking for some female company, you could do a lot worse than checking out a packed showing with Carrie, Miranda, Samantha, and Charlotte.

Am I Allowed...?

2008-05-30T09:39:00.002Z

I went to see Girls Aloud in concert on Wednesday, joining approximately three other guys in a sea of about four million screaming females. It seemed as though the only males there were either horny teenagers or dirty old men... or in my case, husbands along for the ride.

And quite a ride it was.

If this writing lark doesn't work out I want a job as one of the Girls Aloud dancers. Pay me minimum wage, I don't care... in fact, I don't even want money.

Wait... maybe I am a dirty old man after all.

The Trappings Of Local Celebrity...

2008-05-17T07:12:00.005Z

I recently wrote a 3000+ word story for the nine-year-old daughter of a work colleague. It was hard going - I've never written something for such a captive audience, nor have I dabbled with the kind of stuff that nine year old girls are interested in before, or the moralistic way in which those tales are often written... but I think, for a first effort, I may just have pulled it off. As it happens, she enjoyed it, and that's the most important thing.

On the back of this I was also invited - once removed - by her teacher to talk to the class about creative writing. Me?! As good an offer as that was I had to refuse. Unfortunately, I don't think a bunch of pre-teens would be a good test audience for my regular fare, and I haven't written enough of the gooey stuff to warrant a special guest appearance. I was flattered, to be sure, but it wouldn't have been fair to do it. Maybe down the road a little...

She Still Glows...

2008-05-06T07:59:00.002Z

My short story, My Wife Glows in the Dark is the inaugural piece of fiction for the new ezine, NorthPoint. If you like, you can leave a comment, which is a nice touch.

So Good They Named It Twice...

2008-05-02T07:49:00.002Z

We popped off to New York last week to see what all the fuss is about. It's a place I have long wanted to visit.

I'm sure it really goes without saying, but what a vibrant and varied city. We stayed on Eighth Avenue, literally four minutes walk (yeah, I counted) from Broadway and Times Square, and I swear not eight seconds went by without someone honking their horn. Drivers don't always do it for any genuine reason either. It's crazy, but in a good way.

We whizzed up to the 86th floor of the Empire State Building during the day, the 69th floor of the Rockefeller Center at night, had a walk through Central Park, did the Sex & The City tour (her idea), checked out Ground Zero, watched The Lion King on Broadway, had lunch on Wall Street, dinner in Times Square, went to the American Natural History Museum, took a helicopter flight, rode the subway, and hopped on a ferry to the Statue of Liberty (the security for which was tighter than actually getting into the United States!)

Manhattan is extremely simple to get around. Well, certainly Midtown is. Numbered avenues crossed by numbered streets - how easy is that? As long as you have a fair idea where you are going you don't even need a map, which always helps if you don't want to fall into the tourist trap. It's very intuitive.

Does the city ever sleep? Probably not. I certainly didn't see any evidence of it.

And I wasn't mugged once.

And One More Makes Four...

2008-04-28T08:14:00.002Z

The fourth issue of the quirky online Aussie magazine, Eclecticism, hit the virtual shelves a couple of days ago. It includes my flash sci-fi piece, Footprints, and is available to everyone free of charge for the rather simple download of only a few megabytes.

Get on it.

K.T Tunstall...

2008-04-21T20:41:00.003Z

...rocks.

I saw her last night in concert for the second time, and she could really teach some of the bigger boys a thing or two about how to own a stage.

If you don't know who she is, check her out here, and if you do, where the hell were you last night?

Jaws...

2008-04-08T09:07:00.002Z

I was on the bus last night, reading Riddle of the Sands and trying to look cultured in doing so, but all I could concentrate on was the conversation between a couple behind me.

They started off by talking about Quentin Tarantino, so I zoned out as best I could - not a fan. When I fell back into the conversation they were discussing how a critic had said dear old Quentin had 'jumped the shark'. As neither of them knew what that meant they went back and forth trying to figure it out. It was all I could do to keep from laughing.

I really wanted to stick my oar in and tell them what it means:

"Excuse me, but jumping the shark is a term used to describe a moment when somethin that was once great has reached a point where it will from that point onwards decline in quality and popularity. The phrase originated from a Happy Days episode where the Fonz jumped over a shark on waterskis. This was seen as the lowest point of the show."

...but, of course, I didn't.

Hell, the term has its own website!

On Three Wheels Again...

2008-04-04T10:26:00.002Z

It's an oldie, and it's been published before, but if you have not done so already you can check out The Beat for my surreal flash, Tricycle.

Oh yeah, pinch of salt required...

Interview With Adele Hartley...

2008-03-30T10:43:00.003Z

Last month I read Redress, the debut novel by Adele Hartley. It's a dark, psychological thriller with a little horror thrown into the mix, and it's really rather good. I walked into Waterstones for mine, but if you're too lazy to do that, you can buy it here as well, from the comfort of your own home. See, no excuse.

Although she is a mistress of many trades, and has her fingers in a lot of pies, Adele kindly agreed to answer a few questions for me, and I thank her for her time and effort in doing so.
-----
As well as your editorial duties, you are the also director of the annual Dead by Dawn festival in Edinburgh. When did you find the time and energy to write Redress?
Looking back I have no idea! I was in Spain when I got the call offering me the book deal so I spent my holiday sitting in my dad’s study, hogging the computer, drinking every ice-cold lager shandy he brought upstairs and getting the first draft of about 55,000 words down. It was missing huge tranches and needed a ton of work but I did feel that I’d broken the back of it. It was full of bits that said “something interesting happens here” and I just had to hope that I would eventually figure out what that was! After that, I just set time aside every week to work on the manuscript. I envy the proper writers I know as they all seem to have discipline and make plans and work to a schedule but my experience was a lot more erratic. When I was on a roll it was easy but there were lots of days of doing anything to avoid staring at a blank page. I got all my tax paperwork up to date. I did all the ironing, I started rearranging furniture. I am an arch procrastinator. But it worked out ok. I really enjoy what I do with the festival and because that requires external interaction, it mostly took the day shift and as I find it easiest to write at night, Redress took the graveyard, appropriately enough.

How did you find the transition from editor to author?
They were such separate experiences that in theory it wasn’t a problem. What I quickly realised was that having been a movie programmer for 15 years, I was very used to being the person who accepts or rejects other people’s work. That didn’t help! The festival being a success every year is vitally important to me but I never feel vulnerable like I did with this book. My partner would tell you that in the couple of months before publication I was a disaster! Oddly, all the stress went away the day it was published. At that point, I finally started believing all the things I’d been telling myself – fundamentally I was delighted because I rarely finish anything (I have the attention span of…something that can’t be bothered to finish sentences) and so to have risen to the challenge of the book felt great. It still does. Harder than any of the challenges of the transition and the writing would have been thinking up excuses for the rest of my life if I’d run away.

In lieu of the standard ‘where-do-you-get-your-ideas-from?’ question, how did the germ for Redress come about?
I’m having to make up the answer to this question quite a lot because I can’t really remember. I’ve decided it’s because I am always interested in the way we mortals are capable of abdicating any form of personal responsibility; there is always someone else to blame. I’m fascinated by the lies we tell ourselves, the justifications, and also the way we can ignore our instincts once we become fixated on one goal. Skirving was a way to try and take that idea to its extreme. A lot of the pieces I write just for myself are a way to process things I’ve overheard or witnessed and not been in a position to control. The work is a way to address that, at least in my head.

Is Redress the one novel you have inside you to write, or can we expect more work from you in the future?
When I was pitching the Read by Dawn anthology to the publisher, he said he would do it but on the condition I sent him something I had written. I sent him the unfinished short story Redress and he said ‘if you finish it, I’ll publish it’ so I kinda got my deal by accident. Now that I’ve got away with one, though, there’s a seriously foul idea brewing away for the second one, though not a sequel to Redress.

The relationship between the two lead characters in Redress, Cassie and Jen, has a great feeling of truth to it. Was it something you took from your own life?
Some of it, and from things my friends have told me and from listening a lot, particularly on the train ride from the city to my house. I saw a kid recently on a packed commuter service – he was bored senseless and had been rummaging about in his nose for a good five minutes while his mother read the paper. Suddenly this gorgeous, angelic 6 year old held up his finger and announced to the entire train in a very clear, loud voice “I got a bogey!” and there it was for everyone to see. I didn’t know a person could go the colour his mum went. You couldn’t make up anything better! The ‘can you lick your own elbow’ moment with Cassie came out of very similar circumstances. Sometimes you just get great lines handed to you. And more than anything, I wanted to write girls who had something more to them than a taste for Chardonnay and a shoe obsession, which is why I spent as much time on their development as I did on their adult lives.

When you were writing Redress were you concerned that the serial killer genre had gone as far as it could go, or were you confident you had something new to say?
I don’t enjoy serial killer material particularly, either on page or on the screen, and I guess weirdly, had never thought of this as a serial killer story. This question mostly proves just how much distance there can be between intention and perception! It’s certainly not a genre I would expect to approach again, but sometimes stories tell themselves a certain way.

Are you happy to be known as a horror author?
Sure. I’m a horror fan and I would hate to sell the genre short in any media, but then again, I’ve seen plenty of other writers find it hard to lose a tag when they choose to write in other genres. I appreciate there’s a real need to pigeon-hole people and I think I’d rather focus on developing as a writer and let the labelling come as it may. Of course, after the next book, I think it might be hard to deny the horror tag!

Who are your favourite authors?
Ray Bradbury has always been top of the list. I also adored Michael Marshall Smith’s short stories, likewise Jim Crace for Devil’s Larder and Clive Barker for the Books of Blood, Richard Brautigan, Alasdair Gray, Andrew Greig, Terry Pratchett, Graham Masterton, Sara Sharpe, Roger McGough, Mervyn Peake. And Iain Banks, of course!

Do you also write short fiction?
I do and for some reason, it’s mostly when I’m livid about something. It’s so much cheaper than therapy! But then when I leave it alone for a while and go back, very often there’s the nugget of a story in there that merits a little more attention.

And finally, how can fans keep up to date with you?
Fans? Hurrah!! My publisher is Beautiful Books and through that you can check out the imprint sites – Redress is through Burning House and the Read by Dawn anthologies are under Bloody Books.

...

2008-03-17T20:51:00.002Z

Encouragement From Distant Shores...

2008-03-14T12:46:00.003Z

I received a very brief email last night from a stranger many miles away.

He had read my creative essay, The Heart Doth Break, online. I guess he was searching for some words to help him through his tough situation, and I hope that in some small way I did.

Little things like that remind me what is so good about writing.

I'll Give You A War You Won't Believe...

2008-03-05T20:36:00.003Z

I went to see Rambo last night, and after reading a lot of reviews I didn't really take my seat with high hopes. After watching Stallone put his iconic boxer to rest last year in Rocky Balboa I had my fingers crossed that John J. would walk off into the sunset with some kind of dignity intact.

Simply put, it was the most brutal, hard-hitting war movie I have ever seen, and made the beach landing from Saving Private Ryan look like a tea party at Barbie's house. Don't believe what you may have read - Stallone still cuts it as an action hero, despite being sixty-ish as he runs through the Burmese jungles and severs limbs.

Not a first-date movie, and don't go expecting much light relief either. There is no romantic sub-plot, in fact, not much of a plot at all. But really, what did you expect? Anyone who goes into it twiddling their thumbs waiting for Dickens has only themselves to blame. It's a balls-to-the-wall action flick, and Stallone doesn't pretend otherwise.

Sure, it has its roots in the real conflicts going on as I write in the Far East, but thakfully Sly is clever enough not to belabor the point. He knows that most people are there for the blood 'n' guts, not the newsreel, but if you want, you can get your head around the current affairs as well.

It's a fitting end to the franchise. Rocky would be proud.

Now, where's Tango & Cash II?

On My Internet Travels...

2008-02-27T09:46:00.002Z

All right, this guy has way too much time on his hands. I loved playing with Lego, in my younger days, but my designs were always rudimentary at best. A house with no windows; a car with no wheels. That kind of thing.

He's just showing off.

And as for this girl, well, she's just plain nuts. World's smallest pancake? Are you kidding me? You get those things every time you make pancakes. Try it.

Crazy.

...

2008-02-23T09:58:00.002Z

Window To The World...

2008-02-23T08:14:00.001Z

I'm back on XP.

I'm so happy I could cry.

But I won't, because, you know, I'm a man and all...

Another Trifecta...

2008-02-09T12:08:00.000Z

I am very pleased to say that my flash piece She will be appearing in the paperback anthology Read By Dawn III, published by Bloody Books, when it comes out in May this year. It is particularly sweet because it means I have a story in each of the first three annual volumes - all of which will be available at Waterstones here in the UK, Borders in the US, and all good online booksellers everywhere else.

More information as soon as I have it.

...

2008-02-04T11:36:00.000Z

The Butler Did It...

2008-02-04T09:51:00.001Z

I attended my first murder-mystery dinner over the weekend. I was a wealthy businessman with a drug problem and an illegitimate daughter, both of which I was trying to hide from the rest of them. Then there was the small matter of the dead body... the woman I had had an affair with thirty years ago, producing said daughter.

It was an enjoyable, if difficult, affair. Keeping track of everybody's secrets and trying to figure out who was genuine and who wasn't was nigh on impossible, especially as somebody kept on pouring vodka down my throat. A notepad would have been handy and perhaps a smaller crowd. I think thirteen people is a few too many for that kind of thing.

In the end none of us figured out who the murderer was, and, after I spent ten grand on cocaine from a South American drug baron, and slipped a woman from the orphanage some money to keep quiet about my dalliance three decades ago, I didn't have enough cash left to buy the crown at the auction like I was supposed to...

Phew.

Three-peat...

2008-01-28T10:32:00.000Z

Issue Three of fledgling Australian ezine Eclecticism has just been released, and within its virtual PDF pages you will find my flash piece, After The Flood. It is only a couple of hundred words in length, so if you want to check it out I promise it will not take too much time out of your busy schedule.

Fifteen Pages To Go...

2008-01-25T09:56:00.000Z

In my desire to alternate reading classic novels and non-classic novels (i.e modern stuff) I have unfortunately stumbled across Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte. Now, I don't want to cause any offence to descendants of the Bronte family who may swing by this blog from time to time, but what a chore that piece of work is!

I am appalled and embarrassed to say that over two hundred pages in, and I could not say with any degree of certainty whether the central character is male or female - that's how little attention I am giving the book. A few pages ago one of the characters (I forget who) said that Heathcliff was dead, and I don't know if this is true, or if it was just being said as a wind up. I certainly don't remember it happening. It's like I'm seeing the words but not actually reading it, and I don't know if it's my fault or Emily's fault.

I am reluctant to blame the passage of time for my disinterest as well. It was published in 1847, so we are talking one-hundred-and-sixty years here, but I read Robinson Crusoe last year which came to be in 1719, and I thought that was fantastic and much more accessible.

I will get through it, because I'm stubborn that way, but don't ask me any questions afterwards. Maybe I'll have to get the CliffsNotes...