January 19, 2007

Now Eye See You...

So, after the trauma of sitting in the dentist's chair, I also went for an eye exam this week. The wife obviously thinks whatever could be wrong with me, is. I've not had my eyes checked since I was about twelve, and they were fine then. What could have possibly happened in the last eighteen years?

I'm sitting in this room, and the cute little optometrist (I could see her well enough...) had me sit down while she got the charts ready. One eye, then the other. Oops, the left eye is definitely not quite so pin-sharp. Is that an 'N' or an 'H'? Wait a minute. Deep breath. It's about a millimetre across for Christ sake! Even Superman couldn't read that! Fake it. It's fifty fifty. 'H'. Yeah, definitely 'H'.

Then she comes right up to me - close enough so that I can taste her perfume - and says she wants to check the back of my eyes with this torch. Up, right, left, up to the right, up to the left. I tell you, it isn't often a woman tells me to look down her blouse... Too bad the lights were low - I couldn't see a damn thing.

Now look into the light, she says. Now away. Now back into the light. Lady, you're supposed to be protecting my eyes. Has she spoken to my dentist? I think I'm having some kind of post-ironic week.

Anyway, I don't need the Coke bottles after all, so I'm good for another eighteen years.


Stephanie Campisi said...

Wow, that's impressive. Ah, perfect vision. Wonder what that would be like.

I did my last eye exam with my glasses on, and I was merrily reading away: 'H, G, A, I'. . .

And the optometrist gave me a funny look and said, 'Uhm, they're numbers.'


Sophie Playle said...

Lucky you! I hate wearing glasses. The only thing I like about my whole body are my eyes, and they're hidded behind lenses (and don't talk to my about contacts.) :S

Haha, Stephanie, that's rather amusing!

Stephanie Campisi said...

No contacts for you? Man, that sucks. They do have different 'types' and styles now, so they can cater for all eye types. I have crazy astigmatism (apparently a Mediterranean thing), so I was told a few years ago that contacts were never gonna happen, but now they have! Yay! Now I am a person with eyes again!

Sometimes they do irritate (we have some major bushfires burning here, and the smoke is ouchies no the eyes), but mostly. . .peripheral vision! No smudgy lenses! No reason for me to continue my annoying habit of pushing my glasses up my nose! :)

I'm never going to be able to break that habit. Just have to pretend I'm patting down an eyebrow or something.

Sorry, Brian, I've made your post all about me. :) ME!

I'm just very jealous of people with good vision.

Stevie B said...

I always thought your eyesight was good. It's your wife's I'm worried about!! Oh, and get yourself over to my blog and leave a comment like you said you would!

Nic said...

Tee hee at Stevie's comment!!

I guess I'm lucky - I have no problems with my teeth and don't have to wear glasses/lenses. I have wondered what it would be like to wear those coloured lenses though and see how it would be with, say, green eyes not blue. Don't plan spending money to find out mind you!

Jennifer McKenzie said...

I have glasses. I felt OLD when I got them. I get no sympathy from my best friend who is blind as a bat.
I always wondered why, when I complained of extreme headaches, the solution seems to be to shine an extremely bright light directly into my eyes. *rolls blinded eyes*.
Yeah, that'll work. Bright lights will cure the pounding. Whatever.
Glad you get an eighteen year reprieve.

Brian G Ross said...

I guess I'm just goin' through one of those weeks where the wife gets to drag me around these places and I have to nod sagely and accept it - such is the life of a married man.

Steph - you're a very funny girl.


Emmy Ellis said...


I have to wear glasses but ummm don't.