Technicolour Rainbow...

I have never had food poisoning before, but partaking of food a couple of days past its use by date was always going to catch up with me sooner or later I guess.

I will spare you the gory details... but suffice to say I was on my knees more often than a cheap hooker in a room full of dwarves.

It was horrible: I have never seen my bathroom floor so up close and personal before, and I have no desire to do so again any time soon. I had my head in the bowl so many times, I was bringing up food I had eaten last year.

I'll tell you what - I could never be bulimic; it just seems too much like hard work.